More news from our foreign correspondent

The hands of the clock moved agonisingly slowly, but then I heard the diesel clatter of the van, the cry from the sales office (one of them was awake) “the salmonella lady is here” and I knew that THE time had arrived:

Lunch

and of course my daily dose of “Hell-o, Hell-o, I Will Say This Only Wenrce”, an everyday tale of a simple (ne’er a truer word spoken) friend who has had the gumption – no dammit, he’s had the sheer guts to forsake the excitement of dodging knife attacks in the “Garden of England” for the tranquility, fine fare, copious red wine, gentle beauty, the Monet light, of the French countryside and village life.

I made my purchase from the Expired Best before Bin and got back to my Amstrad. I ripped the clingfilm from a pair of Mother’s Pride slices, carefully wrapped around a slice of Iceland “SupaSava” frozen ham (only 18% added water, less than 14 g salt per slice). My taste buds were on the verge of exploding, and the best bit was yet to come.

I double clicked on the search engine, opened favourites. There, top of the list, “Le Blog”. To maximize the enjoyment, I treated myself to a trip to the vending machine for a cup of freeze dried tea (herbal perhaps, or is it the “Ajax” the cleaner uses).

I settled myself down, switched the phone to busy and my cursor hovered over the link, my anticipation heightening.

Will the canopy over the garden table have been attacked by ANOTHER storm?

Will the pool have hit 30 degrees C? (which is hotter than my herbal ? tea)

Will the water lily again decide to “Up Persicope”?

Will “mon ami” be tantalizing us with a hardware store he has discovered on one of his expeditions?

Or even, dare I hope, the septic tank has blocked again.

Excitement got the better of me and I clicked the mouse. Like magic my window into a wondrous world opened before me.

I scanned the latest entry and I was overcome by a strange feeling of

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Déjà vu

Still there is always tomorrow

PS – can I be your foreign correspondent

PPS – all opinions expressed are those of the author only and are not necessarily those of the publisher